Hello again, my friends!

I am so delighted to have the impetus to begin writing again. I felt quite raw after the sale of my yoga studio in the summer of 2015, so I listened to the internal need to put my focus toward what brought me joy as I healed from the intensity of that experience. My life has changed considerably in the last nearly three years! I am now a wife and a mother, and I achieved full licensure as a Marriage and Family Therapist. My heart has been deeply humbled by the the amazing moments of being alive that I have had as of recent, and I am grateful to be able to appreciate how dearly special life truly is. These last few years have been the best of my life so far, and now, more than ever, I am fully engaged and present to the gift of baring witness to others, encouraging them toward a delicious sense of wholeness and life satisfaction.

I have also come to better know the work of Brené Brown:

“The official line: I’m a research professor at the University of Houston where I hold the Huffington Endowed Chair. I’ve spent the past sixteen years studying courage, vulnerability, empathy, and shame. I’m the author of four books: The Gifts of Imperfection, Daring Greatly, Rising Strong, and Braving the Wilderness.

The bottom line: I believe that vulnerability – the willingness to be “all in” even when you know it can mean failing and hurting – is brave. I do NOT believe that cussing and praying are mutually exclusive. And, I absolutely believe that the passing lane is for passing only.”

https://brenebrown.com/

In this supersoul session (please watch), Brené describes her research and how she came to identify the components of trust. She asks, what is trust? What does it mean when we say that we trust or distrust another person? Brené states, “Trust is built in the small moments. So is betrayal. Trust is choosing to make something important to you vulnerable to the actions of someone else. You’ll know you’re worthy of receiving trust when you trust yourself above everyone else.” Distrust is “what I have shared with you that is important to me is not safe with you.”

I believe that trust is an essential foundation piece for all that comes during our lifetime. We have to have a level of trust in our life encounters in order to function on a daily basis. Without trust, life can be a continuous struggle with little ability to fully relax and get out of fight, flight, or freeze mode. When our survival system takes over, our cortisol (stress hormone) levels stay high for as long as we sense ourselves as being in danger. This can take quite the toll on the body over time, often leading to physical dis-ease. In a life without trust for others or our surroundings, anxiety and depression can be quite prevalent as well. Trust not only creates a sense of safety, it is partially what allows us to pursue our dreams, to dare to be great, and to experience what makes our hearts glow with excitement and joy. Trust is a fundamental building block for a successful life.

Also, it is possible that we may love and trust someone in one way, but in other aspects of the relationship, trust is quite tender or broken. For example, while someone is really great at showing up on time or being there for you when you need him or her, he or she often tells others your private information without consideration to how that might make you feel. This is a recipe for mixed feelings about another person that can erode the relationship over time if not addressed.

BRAVING, is an acronym that Brené coined in order to break down the components of trust:

Boundaries: Boundaries maintain a sense of safety within the relationship. There is no trust without boundaries.

Boundaries define the parameters, and also creates a sense of stability in the structure and clarity that is provided. Children will often test the limits, because they are attempting to ascertain where the boundaries are. There are certain hard lines that you absolutely know not to cross, but then there are some gray areas that are a bit more subjective. Sometimes as well, we do not know that we have touched on a boundary issue until a line has been crossed and communication is needed.

Reliability: You do what you say you are going to do, and not just once or twice, but [nearly] every time.

If we know that someone will reliably be on time, it removes a source of stress from the situation and allows greater relaxation into the moment. Moreover, it is a way in which we show others that we value and respect them. If someone has to nag you to do something, then there is a lack of trust that when you say you’re going to do something it will actually get done. Also, it is key to trust that what you say is what you mean. If you agree to getting together with another for lunch or coffee, do not just say it with no intentions of following through. Your words will become empty promises to that individual or vice versa.

Accountability: If you make a mistake, own it, apologize for it, and make amends.

Putting words to something that needs to be said is one of the hardest parts of the process. Speaking the words out loud, finding the right words, knowing that there are consequences to choices that have been made, accountability is a necessary part of strong and stable communication. We must be able to acknowledge how our actions have had an impact on someone else, whether that be hurt, betrayal, etc. We cannot take back our actions, but if we can recognize the consequences and own what we have done, trust can be rebuilt. Authentic and sincere apologies only.

Vault: What we share with each other is held in confidence – no gossip. (Common enemy intimacy is counterfeit trust.)

Essentially, do not share what is not yours to share. Thus, when someone shares vulnerable information, it is not a juicy detail about that person that is then meant to be shared unless that person has expressed permission to do so. Being a vault means that you respect that individual’s privacy, and you respect that they have chosen to share with you. If it is something that you are unable to hear, perhaps because you have a conflict of interest, then tell them exactly that. (Boundaries.) Moreover, when someone shares someone else’s information with me that was not theirs to share, I lose trust in that person, because I know that MY vulnerable information would potentially not be safe with that person either. Common enemy intimacy is when people bond over their dislike of someone else. However, just as easily as one might speak poorly of that other person, he or she can do the same to you.

Copyright K.C. Green

Integrity: Choosing courage over comfort; choosing what’s right over what’s fun, fast, or easy; and practicing your values, not just professing your values.

There is a gut feeling that accompanies the experience of being out of integrity with oneself. It could be described as a pit in the stomach, a hollow feeling, a sense of dread. When we are out of integrity, we are hiding something, we are not being fully truthful or omitting pieces that are important to an overall understanding of what is occurring. While initially we can perhaps justify certain behaviors, before long, we are perhaps lying to ourselves as well as others. Being IN integrity, there are butterflies, anticipation, joy. Perhaps not initially, especially when we have have to choose courage over comfort, but in the long run, when we have done what we know to be in alignment with our values, goals, dreams, etc, we are choosing to give ourselves a sense of internal congruency, which then creates the opportunity for joy.

Non-Judgment: I can fall apart and ask for help without being judged by you, and you can fall apart and ask for help without being judged by me – both reciprocal and nonjudgmental.

There is a difference between judgment and discernment: judgment places a value on something such as it being good, bad, right, or wrong, whereas discernment is it just is what it is. In other words, we cannot change a fact, regardless of how we feel about it. We might not like something, but it remains as is. For example, we might not like that we have an illness or that someone whom we love is battling an addiction, but regardless of how we feel about the situation, it still remains to be a fact. I think there is often a fear of judgment coating our interactions with others. It might emanate from our internal judgments of self, but there is also a level of protection in which we remain guarded until it is established that we are safe with another individual, meaning that we can let our guard down and be our true selves without the fear of rejection and abandonment. My graduate school professor Dr. Conte once said to me, “There are two types of people in the world, those who have issues and those who are dead. If you are here, then you’ve got issues. It is a part of being alive.” I love this statement, because it is so equalizing. Whomever you are, you’ve got something. Any person you see on the street or with whom you have an interaction with, they have issues of some sort. It’s a fact, whether or not you like it, it still is what it is.

Generosity: We can each assume the most generous intentions about the other’s thoughts, words, behaviors.

Sometimes, we think the worst first. It can be difficult to break a habit of negative assumptions, meaning that we might assume that someone is mad at us, is trying to send a pointed message, is ignoring us, or worse still, that they hate us. It might be that there is reason to believe these things, but sometimes, these thoughts are merely projections of our worst fears… that we will be abandoned, rejected, or that our worst suspicions of that other person are true. Allowing that other person some leeway can greatly improve the conversation when you ARE able to get ahold of him or her. Same goes in our relationship with ourselves. Often, we can tear ourselves apart, stripping our psyche of any positive regard for ourselves. I encourage you to give yourself some forgiveness and appreciation for whatever it is that you are carrying around in your heart, or that is weighing you down. There is always more to someone than the mistakes that he or she has made.

The reason I have chosen to share BRAVING with you today is because I value the ability to be vulnerable and to have trust in oneself and others. I have wanted to begin posting my blogs again for quite some time, but I felt too vulnerable, too exposed. However, where to start? With trust, of course, as it is so foundational for all that can then be built upon it. Erik Erikson’s Theory of Psychosocial Development posits that the first stage that humans move through in their psychosocial development is Trust Vs. Mistrust. From birth to about 18 months of age, the infant develops his or her attachment style based on how his or her needs are being met by the primary caregivers. Now, I am admittedly adding a layer to Erik Erikson’s stage in describing the attachment piece, but many attachment injuries and issues are a direct result of hurt or broken trust. A secure attachment style would then be thought to develop from an infant’s trust in the world being established, versus an anxious or avoidant attachment style developing from broken or damaged trust.

As a new mom, these early stages of human development are very poignant and intriguing to me. My child is ten months old, and I have become acutely aware of my need to have trust in myself so that I can be responsible for this little human being that has to have complete trust in me. I have also thoroughly enjoyed deepening my trust in my husband as he has braved this parenting experience with me as a diligent, kind, and humorous partner. The reality of life can be so messy, and to be so vulnerable with my family first and foremost has been a truly beautiful chapter of my life. I will forever treasure these moments. I also treasure sharing the gross, the weird, the giggles, the snuggles, the ups, the downs, the all arounds and the then somes. I value knowing that I have the opportunity not only to shape the man that my son has the potential to become, but to also learn from him as I continue to develop my sense of who I am and who I would like to strive toward becoming.

I have been pursuing my bucket list as of late. The number one on that list for me was to become a wife and a mother. The best part of both of those experiences is that they are the gift that just keeps on giving. I feel anchored and strong in my family’s love and support, and I am hopeful that I will have the opportunity to pursue my Ph.D. at some point soon as well. I have created a new vision board, because I wanted to prepare myself in knowing what my bigger picture is and how this moment and all of my current endeavors fit into that life plan. In order for me to pursue my dreams, I have to show-up, to take risks (including risking “failure,” rejection, and disappointment), and I have to be willing to trust the journey as it unfolds through each choice made along the way.

Trust is perhaps an antidote to anxiety. Anxiety is very future oriented, perhaps stemming from a past experience that we fear will be replicated, or a fear based on what has happened to someone or something else that we heard, read about, saw on tv, or otherwise. Sometimes, there are very legitimate concerns to be considered as something might be tried, tested, and true. The parachute might not deploy during skydiving, it is likely that at least something will go wrong when planning a wedding or a trip to a foreign country, and it is entirely possible that we will be the victim of random chance in the wrong place at the wrong time. These things DO happen. (Is your heart racing yet? Your palms sweaty? Your breath quickened? Take notice of the physical responses to the anxious thoughts.) However, let us also consider what could go right. When we have done our homework, when we have prepared ourselves for the potential outcomes (good, bad, and in between), and we have used our anxiety to our advantage, we can gain a sense of trust not only in ourselves, but the world around us as well. We cannot always stop bad things from happening, but there comes a point in which we must acknowledge our needs, our wants, our hopes, our dreams, the breath in our lungs, the heart beating in our chest, and this moment in the here and now. We sometimes have to take a leap of trust in ourselves. If we are acting with a sense of integrity, if we are being accountable to our choices being made with the possible consequences, and if we are letting go of the judgements that do not serve us and our highest good, then perhaps it is time to choose to live courageously and embrace the life we have to live while we are still here to live it.

Today I ask that you take a moment to consider your level of trust with yourself and others. Identify the areas that need attention, and take the opportunity to heal those fundamental building blocks to your success. Allow yourself to try, and if you fail, take the knowledge gained from the experience to apply yourself to your dreams again in a new and improved way. Dare to believe in yourself, and watch as the magic unfolds.

I want to say thank you to my husband for watching our son and allowing me the time to sit down and write again. I appreciate your support and your belief in my abilities. Also, thank you to my family, friends, and community for your support and encouragement as well. I have felt so uplifted by you all, and I am grateful to be surrounded by an abundance of love. Finally, thank you to my clients for showing up for yourselves by attending sessions and allowing me to facilitate a portion of your healing process. I am so honored by each and every one of you. Thank you for gracing me with your stories and for allowing me to bare witness to your journey.

Nora Ann and her son, Thomas Michael

With Love,

Nora Ann Brucklacher,

M.A., LMFT, CYT-200, RMT, Shaman

855 S. Center St., #101

Reno, NV 89501

P: 1-775-224-0703

E: sierrasunrisewellness@gmail.com