My Top Ten Favorite Coping Mechanisms: 

1. Stop and breathe. It is ok to take a moment to collect yourself when stress and chaos around you threaten to break you. The “One Minute Meditation” is a very easy way to take literally a single minute to re-focus your mind and energy before continuing forward doing whatever it is you need to do. Have someone watch the clock for you as you close your eyes and count your breaths. When the minute is up, you will know how many breaths you should take when you need just a minute to yourself. Of course, there is nothin’ wrong with taking more than that, too!

Doing something as simple as thumbing through a magazine and cutting out something that you like is a powerful indicator of personal aesthetic and idealized life values. The accumulation of cut-outs slowly begin to show personal preferences, which means that one begins to become more aware of one’s “self.” If nothing else, a vision board isa visualization of all that you idealize if you could have things the way you want them.

2. Vision Boards! I am amazed that so many of the things I have put on my vision board have come to be in different ways. Every morning, I see my vision board when I wake up, and I am reminded of “the point of all of this.” An excellent virtual option is utilizing Pinterest. Seriously. Doing something as simple as “pinning” something that you like is a powerful indicator of personal aesthetic and idealized life values. The accumulation of pins slowly begins to show personal preferences, which means that one begins to become more aware of one’s “self.” If nothing else, Pinterest is a virtual experiment of all you dream of if you could have things the way you want them.

3. Stagnate. I know, this is very paradoxical, right? Well that’s just it. We might feel as if we are already at this stuck point and we are spinning our wheels to get out, and yet, we can’t seem to get ourselves outta the ditch we’ve landed in. Sometimes, trying to stagnate will illuminate some of the blocks that are in our path because we stop spinning our wheels long enough to see what it is that we are stuck on. Where does your mind wander that you admonish yourself for? How could things be different? Do you even want for things to be different? What are you waiting for? When will it be the right time? Has it ever been? Instead of doing something different, try to intentionally do that which you are trying to no longer do (unless it’s meth, or suicide.. don’t do that.)

4. Being in the Moment. Whatever moment that is for you, past, present, or future, be with your experiences in the here and now. By accepting the moment as it is now, and assessing that which one misses or looks forward to, one is able to recognize his or her very existence. The only moment that we truly have is right now, right this very second, nothing more, nothing less. We carry with us the memories of yesterday and the hopes for tomorrow, but all that we truly know we have is this present gift of life. Savor the moments that feel just right, stop and smell the roses, give your best friend a call, or kiss your mother, father, brother, sister, child, significant other, or even give a stranger a hug… They, too, only have a moment. Enjoy this moment, while it lasts, and know that the bad moments are only momentary as well.

5. Looking at Old Pictures/Reading Old Journal Entries… I like to compare the different parts of my life to date to know when it was that I felt certain ways akin to how I am feeling presently. I had to have gotten through those dark moments in order to get to where I am now, and if I look happy in those past pictures, or if I sound ecstatic/enthralled/euphoric in past journal entries… I know that it is possible to feel that way and that I can again. What is the difference between the old me and the “me” now? Who do I want to become? This can also be depressing, too. In fact, that is why it is a great coping mechanism, because I absolutely ball my eyes out! Crying is an incredibly cathartic release, a moment of letting go, and a moment in which one is reminded of his or her humanity. In going forward, what would like for your journal entries to say about how your life becomes? What are moments that you want pictures of? What are the aspects of your life that have remained the same? How have those aspects that are the same contributed to your happiness or depression?

6. Set Some Short-Term and Long-Term Goals… First, allow yourself to dream! Of course it might be a little ridiculous to think that someday I might win an Oscar while stationed on Mars doing field studies into the habits and psychology of the Martian species… buuuut maybe it isn’t! Still though, I can set goals for myself to set me up for being able to accomplish achievable goals that might seem out of reach in this current moment, but with time and persistence, I can accomplish them some day by laying this foundation now! As I mentioned in a previous post about Transformation, there are four stages of change: pre-contemplation, contemplation, preparation, and action. Remember that huge goals do not often happen over night. Rather, identifying steps that will help you to prepare for making your bigger goals happen can be the short term goals you need to set. Eventually, those bigger long-term goals will manifest, but it will be through the work of the short-term goals that one will see the changes on the way.

7. Exercise and Nutritious Food… I know, I know, this one is hard for many, if not most, including myself. I have struggled a tremendous amount in trying to do the stuff that I have been told will essentially turn me into a size 2 supermodel in 2 weeks… it doesn’t work. What does work though is eating foods that aren’t packed full of sugar, sodium, and a buncha crap that isn’t going to do a lick of good for your actual hunger. I eat for comfort, and I have weighed close to 200 pounds. Now, I run and train for marathons, “enjoy” sculpt yoga, and go to spin class several times a week. I have to fuel my body in order to do any of the physical endurance activities I partake in. More than that though, I have had to learn how to listen to my body and create a mind-body communication circuit. I am verrrry much still working on this one, because I have not achieved the goals I have set for myself, including having six pack abs. I can be too harsh on myself with this sometimes, so I have to listen to when my body is asking me to be more gentle sometimes, too. It is important to find the right balance, and if you are scared to do it alone, find the courage to ask for help.

8. Self-Care Activities such as journaling, dancing, singing in the shower, having a cuppa tea, going for a walk along the river, enjoying time with your pets, watching children laugh and discover the world, making a choice to do something positive for yourself versus making a choice to do something you know you will feel lame and guilty about later… There are all sorts of ways to care of your needs! It starts with making the decision that you deserve to be treated well. 

9. Reach Out – If you do not have a strong support system, create one. To be able to trust that others will be there for you, or that you can trust those people to not double cross you is quite the challenge…especially when there is a past history with a family member or friend. It is for you to decide who you want to have in your life, and it is also for you to decide who you should forgive versus who you will not be able to ever trust again. There are six billion people in this world, and there are resources available for those who have trouble connecting with those around them. I promise you, the help is out there if you choose to reach out. Sometimes, it might seem hopeless, but maybe there is also someone who feels the same way… and by maybe, I intend to say, you are not alone, my dear one.

10. Reach In – At points in which we feel completely and utterly deserted, abandoned, despondent, or unable to reach out, reach inward toward the part of you that is aching. No one can make another person happy. It is our individual responsibility to find our own way toward happiness, and sometimes that can be as simple as connecting to yourself again, or perhaps for the very first time. You are a soul seated within your body. You are the only one who will ever see the entirety of journey from beginning to end. Make it interesting, and more than that, make it a life you WANT to be living. “The journey is the reward”…Savor it, my loves.

 

<3 Nora Ann